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February 26, 2010

ACE REPORTER MISSING

HAMMOND, Louisiana — Junior club ace reporter, James Olsen, 22, has been missing from his home and the downtown offices of HAN since yesterday evening.

Olsen, a valued member of HAN’s newsroom team, was last seen leaving the office after telling co-workers he was going to meet a source to discuss a hot tip concerning an unnamed animal sanctuary in an unnamed southern state.

The story was suspected to concern an unidentified 16ft-high animal with a long neck. As yet local authorities have been unable to trace the informant or figure out what kind of animal the information concerned.

Examination of Olsen’s hard drive revealed threatening e-mails from an organization identified as the Ruminant Liberation Front (RALF).

Police are currently searching for Olsen, and HAN is offering a $10k reward for information leading to the safe return of our reporter.

We love you and miss you, James!