MAYOR OUTLINES CHANGES TO STRAWBERRY FEST
PONCHATOULA, Louisiana — Thousands will converge on Ponchatoula for the Strawberry Festival this weekend, but festival-goers can expect radical changes, Mayor Bob Zabbia said earlier this week.
“The harsh winter really hurt us this year, and it’s caused the worst strawberry crop we’ve had in ages,” said Zabbia before unveiling a commemorative banner for the Ponchatoula/Bedico Strawberry & Steroid Festival to a large crowd outside City Hall.
With their budget drastically sliced in half, organizers decided their only option was to team up with another community in co-hosting a “twin” festival. Steroid dealers in Bedico, still hurting from a contemporary association with the harmful game of baseball, welcomed Strawberry Festival planners with open arms.
Zabbia’s announcement has been met with fierce criticism, especially from Hammond Mayor Mayson Foster, who admitted he’s never attended the festival.
“You’ve got a bunch of Ponchy government officials blaming their bad strawberry crop on global warming. What goes around comes around,” Foster told HAN, as he revealed the numbers “1968” tattooed across the knuckles on his right hand.
It was in 1968 when Ponchatoula Mayor Buddy Dufreche, aided by city councilmen, threatened legal action and eventually stripped Hammond of its “Strawberry Capital” status, plunging the then-teenage Foster into the dark and dangerous world of riverdance addiction.
Zabbia has urged Hammond residents to “bury the hatchet” and check out the new attractions the festival has to offer.
The Bedico CSI tent will be set up for parents to bring their tots to get fingerprinted. The free service will allow authorities to keep a record for future use in tracking down “the drug dealers and criminals of tomorrow.”
Food has always been the highlight of the festival, and planners were excited to announce what they’re calling “a combination of America’s favorite treat with America’s favorite pastime,” steroid-covered strawberries.
Meanwhile, Police Chief Bry Layrisson has promised a sharp increase in festival security. Full-body scanners will be deployed at all entrances, and, as always, revelers will be required to keep daiquiris in one clear, quart-size, plastic, zip-top bag.
2 years ago