OIL SPILL TURNS AREA INTO CELEBRITY HOTSPOT
ROBERT, Louisiana — The community of Robert has taken center stage as it hosts a unified command tasked with dealing with the effects of a massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, and Parish President Gordon Burgess is “over the moon” to have his parish play host to a number of important politicians and celebrities.
Governor Bobby Jindal, spotted this morning in Baton Rouge wearing a solid black Italian-style suit with an unfinished hem lined to the knee, is scheduled to give a speech at the Shell Training Center in Robert this afternoon.
It is not known whether he will change into his favorite two-button navy-striped wool/cashmere combo which he famously wore to a political fundraiser in California last month.
Meanwhile, reporters from CNN, Fox News, the BBC, and E! have settled into their various headquarters outside the Shell facility after arriving yesterday afternoon.
According to local media reports, there are few vacancies at Hammond motels as local residents flock to Robert in an attempt to catch a glimpse of the stars arriving from Hammond Northshore Regional Airport.
American Airlines is offering discount fairs to the airport from its major hubs in Dallas, Chicago, and Miami.
“This is great for Tangipahoa. I expect to see our tourism industry explode over the next few weeks,” exclaimed Parish President Burgess, flanked by two of his youngest and most loyal Afghan bodyguards.
Hammond Mayor Mayson Foster isn’t smiling, however, as he foresees the damaging effects the spill will have on Louisiana wildlife and, ultimately, the fashion industry.
Foster, casually sporting a khaki cotton blazer with his favorite pair of dark chinos, reflected on the disaster over a caramel macchiato at PJ’s in historic downtown Hammond after he decided to take the day off as Hammond mayor.
“Whale blubber belts were expected to be all the rage this summer,” Foster said, “but with the price likely to triple, it looks like I’ll be stuck with this old $300 belt made from genuine alligator skin.”
Even at his favorite downtown hangout, Foster couldn’t escape the news of the oil spill as one PJ’s customer received word via his Blackberry Bold™ 9700 smartphone that BP had purchased the state of Arizona to acquire thousands of cheap laborers required for coastal cleanup.
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