CITY COUNCIL THANKFUL FOR NIGERIAN BUDGET BOOST
HAMMOND, Louisiana — Recent actions of Hammond City Council President Jason “Good Lookin’ White Boy” Hood involving the transfer of funds from a bank account of the son of a deposed Nigerian dictator will save the city a million dollars, Mayor Mayson Foster told HAN today.
Hood was contacted by Mr. Claudio Moghalu via e-mail two months ago. “I am the son of the late Nigerian dictator Laurent Moghalu, who was unfortunately murdered in a non-coup-related accident last weekend,” the e-mail stated.
According to Hood, Moghalu had taken refuge in Somalia and needed help in transferring his $6 million in inheritance to an overseas bank account. “I was more than happy to help,” Hood exclaimed, “and he even offered to compensate me with 30% of the funds.”
“Jason called me at 3 o’clock in the morning,” recalled Mayor Foster, “and said he just found the money needed to build that new recreational facility we always dreamed of.”
Foster and Hood called an emergency meeting of the city council early the next day, drastically restructuring the city’s budget based on the $1.8 million promised by Moghalu.
“We were able to sign off on purchasing land for the new rec center, hire a shit ton of new employees for the fire and police departments, and pay to eventually have those abandoned train cars refurbished and turned into a restaurant by this fall — the ‘Fagan Drive Seafood Train,’” said Hood.
Asked by reporters if the city had actually received the funds, Foster replied, “Not yet, but it should be any day now. We did run into a little snag at the beginning of April when Claudio wrote us saying we needed to have holdings of at least $100,000 at a Tonganese bank for the deal to go through.”
The city council then approved a payment of $200,000 to a private bank account in Togo, but Hood says it’s been “a few weeks” since he last heard from Moghalu.
“I reckon his internet service is out,” Hood said, “They use Charter over there too, you know.”
1 year ago