TANGI SCHOOL BOARD REPLACED BY PSYCHIC OCTOPUS
HAMMOND, Louisiana — In a shock move, Tangipahoa Parish officials have decided to dispense with the services of the continually controversial School Board.
Parish President Gordon Burgess revealed to HAN his reasoning behind the decision.
“This whole school board deal has us all plumb wore the heck out. On and on and on, with taxes, and magnet schools and districts and segregation and now suspension, sabbaticals and yaada yaada yaada. I’m over it already,” Burgess said, flanked by two of his most loyal but now slightly restless Afghan bodyguards.
Burgess went on to explain that he had been in negotiations with FIFA World Cup officials to hire the services of Paul the “psychic” octopus. From his aquarium in Germany, the octopus successfully predicted game scores throughout the competition.
“We just figured the octopus would be easier on everyone,” continued Burgess, “and it’s certainly going to work out cheaper. It’s nicer to look at. Another benefit is that the octopus has no relatives in the teaching profession and so is immune from accusations of nepotism when it comes to hiring and firing decisions, and believe me, that damn shoe is fixing to drop!”
