MAYOR: FLASH MOB DANCERS WILL BE SHOT
HAMMOND, Louisiana — Hammond Mayor Mayson Foster today warned the public against participating in any sort of sudden or unexpected public dance routine ahead of tomorrow night’s 16th Annual Hot August Night.
“We’ll have sharpshooters placed on the top of the Columbia Theatre and other downtown buildings.” Foster told HAN. “Tomorrow night the usual rules of engagement will not apply. I’ve given my orders to the Chief, and those orders are ‘shoot to kill.’”
Foster’s warning is chilling, but he says it’s especially necessary after a flash mob rocked the campus of Southeastern Louisiana University on the first day of classes Wednesday.
Southeastern President John Crain believes an anti-drinking Christian fundamentalist campus ministry was behind “a sudden bombardment of fifty students uncontrollably jumping and gyrating to the beats of unwholesome European techno music” which resulted in the deaths of 18 students and 3 faculty members.
“Hot August Night usually provides a safe and friendly family atmosphere,” Foster continued, “and tomorrow will be no different. We’ve lost too many good men to just let a bunch of fruity kids who like to dance in unison take that away from us. Not on my watch.”
6 months ago